Autumn Equinox – My Experience

For a long time I’ve been wanting to celebrate the solstices and the equinoxes but never knew how. I was drawn to the idea of being in touch with the earth, the cycles of the sun as well as the stars, the whole universe. It’s hard to put into words. Most of all there was something inside of me that yearned to celebrate these very magical days of the year.

Being born in Norway on June 23, the evening of my birthday was made extra special by the celebration of St Johns day (also called Avatar’s day). Everyone would gather together around a big bon fire and eat good food and play games. I always felt there was something special about this celebration but no one explained to me the meaning or purpose of it. It was just part of tradition, something we did for fun every year.

It’s only now that I’ve had a taste of how meaningful and life changing these celebrations can be. I’m particularly talking about the Autumn Equinox because that was the first time I had the opportunity to be part of a sacred ceremony that shook me to the core.

I got to play the part of the divine mother, and I feel rather ashamed because I felt very weak throughout the whole week before the ceremony, and even during the ceremony itself. I got to face a lot of fears that I’ve been trying to avoid for a long time. I felt there was chaos inside of me, and I sense there is more chaos to come. But I learned a lot more about how important the inner work is, and how lucky I am to be part of a group that fights for the light. I feel so blessed because so many things have been made just right in my life so that I can learn. And I sense my divine mother has had a huge part to play in all of this. I remember crying out to her for help when I was lost and alone in Norway, and even though I forget often, I still go to her for courage and guidance.

During the ceremony of the Autumn Equinox we watched the burning of the wicker man, representing the death of the egos or inner states such as fear, hatred, jealousy etc. Watching the wicker man going up in flames I understood that this is what needs to happen to a part of me that keeps holding me back, that leaves me in misery and causes pain to other people.  There is always that battle inside of us, between light and darkness. I can see it within me very clearly and I know I have to take steps to face the darkness and enter chaos to be free of it. I know that it’s only through the help of my divine mother that I can do this. I need to be aware and still within so I can hear her guidance and then have the faith to follow it.

I can see changes happening in my life and it began with the Autumn Equinox, and I hope that with the help of my divine mother and father I will have the guidance and strength to make them happen.

Like a Clear Winter Night

Sometimes I do wonder if my divine mother is real. I have never actually seen her, but I do think I have sensed her quite often. Like this evening.

I was praying very hard for something. I was in pain and I was desperate for her to help me.  And I sensed a change in the air around me, and it almost felt like something soft was draped around me. In my mind’s eye I saw a thin veil made up of diamonds. Somehow it felt like it was her presence. I recognized it as her as I’ve felt something similar before.

I know it sounds strange, and it’s difficult to explain in words, and I’m not entirely convinced that what I feel is real. But I did get what I asked for and I feel much better.

Often I forget about my divine mother and she feels like some distant thing. But when I sincerely beg for help it’s as though she moves close to me, or at least lets me know that she is there.  It’s honestly as though I can see her smile even though there’s nothing there, and can hear her speak to me even though there are no words. Sometimes I think she even chuckles lightly at my silly worries.

And she always feels beautiful. It’s like she is a clear winter night with a sky full of stars. She is dressed in white, and I can sense silver and even diamonds.  Sometimes I even think I see her swinging a sword, but that could just be my imagination as I have spent a lot of time admiring a certain shield-maiden of Rohan…..

I secretly think that the world is a lot more interesting when I allow myself to sense things about it. My favorite thing to do when going for a walk is not to see, smell or listen, but to sense, though they all seem combined somehow. I want to sense the magic of the morning, or the beauty of the forest. I want to feel my divine mother walking with me. I hope I can remember her often, and develop a real closeness to her. But usually I forget. Hopefully this time will be different. Being near her is the most precious thing, and a great advantage against whatever troubles I might have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where do I go?

Sometimes I feel almost a sense of despair. My emotions are strong and seemingly too much to deal with. I feel trapped and I try to think of things I can do to make it better. Who can I talk to? Where can I go?

I barely remember my divine mother, and it’s as though I’ve lost faith in her existence. But I decide to go to her anyway, to face the pain of everything I’m feeling and sincerely ask for help. To my surprise the pain begins to lift. I feel lighter and happier.

My divine mother is the most precious part of my life. I wish everyone knew about her, and that they can go to her always.