The Goddess

I think many people long for the Goddess. Growing up in a Christian culture I only had God and Jesus to pray to, and though I did pray to God and found that he listened,  I somehow found it unbalanced to only have a heavenly father. What about the feminine, didn’t that also have a place in spirituality?

I walked into an herb shop today that I fell in love with. Among all the herbal items there were books on Wicca and the Goddess, and there were even statues of her.  People are starting to worship and connect with the divine feminine again and it’s wonderful.

I was planning on becoming a Witch once. I read books on Wicca and was drawn to the sense of magic that the religion held. Yet somehow I lost interest in Wicca. I can’t remember how it happened, but I sense that it did not feel quite right to me. Like Christianity it somehow felt empty, and though I wanted to worship the Goddess, she too seemed distant.

My inner guide eventually lead me to mysticism which taught that we all have an individual Divine Mother as well as a Divine Father. I began praying to my divine mother a lot, and I truly feel she helped me through some very hard times when I felt very alone and full of fear.

I feel my divine mother is teaching me in everything I do and in everything that happens in life. I’ve learned that the best way to connect with her is through the heart, and sometimes I feel love fill my heart to the point of tears. For years I’ve been loathing myself. I’ve seen so many faults and weaknesses in myself through a terrible pride that demands more than I can be. This anger towards myself would even cause negativity towards others which was ugly to say the least.

I believe my divine mother is teaching me about love. Sometimes it feels like a burst of love inside of me,  like a cry from mother who loves her child, and other times it feels like a gentle, constant flame keeping me warm. In the beginning the feeling of being loved for no apparent reason frightened me. I did not know what to do with it. Now I understand that I need love to be able to help others.

I long to be like a priestess of old. To worship the divine mother in everything I do. Sometimes when my connection is strong I feel her presence all the time and it gives me much more strength to face the challenges of life.  I want to be near her always, and I pray I don’t forget about her or allow my negativity get in the way of feeling her peace.

Yes I want to be like a priestess of old. Lately the goddess has been very close to me. I feel her when I pour my tea, when I go for a walk and when I prepare for bed. She is there always and it seems like it’s only my own fears, anger and pride that makes me think that she has at times abandoned me. It also helps to focus on the heart as she often speaks to me that way. I’ve also noticed I’m closer to her when I’m close to myself, when I listen to and take care of myself.

Pray to her, explain to her everything that you think and feel, and thank her for her guidance and love.

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Someone Not Like Me

I’m  at Starbucks, drinking my refreshing mint tea. It’s nice to be back at a cafe, to soak in the creative energies that are so typical here, even at paper-cup starbucks.

There is a girl sitting at the table next to me and she looks like me! Or at least I think so because I can’t see her clearly. She is talking about all the different activities she has done in her life and they all seem exciting and wonderful. It’s strange to see someone with similar features as myself be so different. She seem very outgoing and active, which are two things I’ve been struggling to develope for long time.

I was like that once though, I was brave and outgoing back in my pre-school years and then slowly fear crept up on me and made me more and more timid.  I think I’ve just been taught and gotten used to acting this way, But seeing this girl, and remembering myself all those years ago reminds me that I am not my fear. I can be free of it. I will be free of it. I don’t have to be this way, I’ve just gotten used to it somehow.