Sometimes I do wonder if my divine mother is real. I have never actually seen her, but I do think I have sensed her quite often. Like this evening.
I was praying very hard for something. I was in pain and I was desperate for her to help me. And I sensed a change in the air around me, and it almost felt like something soft was draped around me. In my mind’s eye I saw a thin veil made up of diamonds. Somehow it felt like it was her presence. I recognized it as her as I’ve felt something similar before.
I know it sounds strange, and it’s difficult to explain in words, and I’m not entirely convinced that what I feel is real. But I did get what I asked for and I feel much better.
Often I forget about my divine mother and she feels like some distant thing. But when I sincerely beg for help it’s as though she moves close to me, or at least lets me know that she is there. It’s honestly as though I can see her smile even though there’s nothing there, and can hear her speak to me even though there are no words. Sometimes I think she even chuckles lightly at my silly worries.
And she always feels beautiful. It’s like she is a clear winter night with a sky full of stars. She is dressed in white, and I can sense silver and even diamonds. Sometimes I even think I see her swinging a sword, but that could just be my imagination as I have spent a lot of time admiring a certain shield-maiden of Rohan…..
I secretly think that the world is a lot more interesting when I allow myself to sense things about it. My favorite thing to do when going for a walk is not to see, smell or listen, but to sense, though they all seem combined somehow. I want to sense the magic of the morning, or the beauty of the forest. I want to feel my divine mother walking with me. I hope I can remember her often, and develop a real closeness to her. But usually I forget. Hopefully this time will be different. Being near her is the most precious thing, and a great advantage against whatever troubles I might have.